If i should die,
my corpse will shed tears
for moments we have part
a distance justified
by your hurt
my fault
till the day i die
i cherish you
like i never did
anyone before

Everywhere i go
every man i see
i look at the door
and long for your to appear

in every dream
you are the guest star
that leaves a lasting impression
even your appearance is a while

You are so beautiful
a diamond out of coal
i have owned you once
then i lost you
this doesn’t rhyme,
but fact is
i lost you

i lost you, the one
the one
i can say it a million times
and i would
i lost the one

It’s simply wrenching to realise
you’ve created that
fate for yourself, as you declared
that solitary war to fight.

Against seclusion.
Against dependency.
Against history.

After which you find that you want just to be loved and love in return.

The simplicity of a burning need,
yet trecherous complicacies to feat.

Inimitable strength has an antidote,
by Will he calls himself.
A meandering road his ego gloats,
till ‘Enough’ he finally gasps.

And there he is.
What would become of him,
of me of us.
What exists,
maybe just, lust.
No.
Trust I must,
in hope,
a rope,
to cope.

After 9 months.

You suck.

And so it’s much easier to post stuff on this blog. The blog assignment that’s due today: post count = zero, zilch, niente.

Because things are easier expressed when it’s from the heart. Foolish heart.

And one day i’ll be with you. When the love is left to none. That’s fate’s pattern pour moi.

Je t’adore. Only i know. And you too – i think – but don’t (can’t) care, because of the prince. Either ways, i’ll just go on believing that you don’t. It’s better that way.

For now,

I love you. I do. So much it makes me hate.

You are nothing like the sun. But there’s a light. Maybe you’re radioactive.

i literally pouted on the walk back. don’t need to know why. a story told a thousand times. of ironies and a severed heart.

love is emotional terrorism, and valentine’s day celebrates terror. the fireworks you see are visual euphemisms for buildings and planes exploding. it’s no coincidence flowers are left for the dead.

i was holding back tears, again literally, my god this is all too much of a faggotry.

it’s just me and my sandwich tonight. i take comfort in subway, my readings, and the fact that i’m learning a new language.

but i don’t want to be a cold successful person. i want to be young and full of love like now and have a nice life. sometimes i hate that fate has a better plan for me.

my nephew was allowed to play with my collectible planes and he broke one.

it’s $50 per 1:400 scale Boeing 747. i went weak and let him carry on.

worse part is i’m upset that i’m upset over something i stopped caring for years ago.

i’m so lonely.

psychoanalysis tells me i’m upset because should anything significant actually happen, i’d have no real person to confide in but myself. like now.

i’m so lonesome i could cry.

I’m doing what i can to secure a somewhat stable future yet there’s nothing safe about the feelings I have. People – my brothers – are really monsters. The humans you’ve created harbour a multitude of hatred and baseless jealousies.

They who perceive only what they’re capable of seeing.
They who feel injustice when luck missed them – luck; is a myth.
They who cannot comprehend that falling is a process of rising.
They who function on resentment and not kindness.
They who are the majority.

I concede that no qualification in this world and no amount of experience would negate your teachings of strong will, patience and effort. That there are understandings too divine for small beings like me, like them.

With this inscriptions I will be at least aware. I will still cry. I will disobey you – regretfully. Nonetheless I will be faithful. For my belief brings me through.

I cannot speak of the matter to another. But I feel a need to share. And my saviour, I do not know where to draw the line between independence, and having a caring one to lean on – between what’s needed and wanted. Should I let go and have my heart explode, for the sake of patience?

Please be by our side, and let the monsters be apart.

once again my weekend’s short.
i’m knackered beyond words.
i already miss my 3 bffs.

long-term goals, long-term goals.