murderous silence

i haven’t shed a tear for a long time. perhaps too long. so yesterday happened and broke the chain.

how vicious it is. the very drug to make one sleep is as weak as him.

awakening

back to the pills i surrender.
to the room i shall return.
for as long as it will take.
this heart too weak.

sleep tight

life lessons come quick and take forever to fade away.

the waters have calmed. days have been mellow. though only a fool would deny that rocky times will come. i just wish.

i made a promise yesterday. moments ago i was close to breaking it.
i couldn’t betray those beautiful eyes.

i’ve struck gold with a jinxed shovel

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so the last bottle opens

closer, but still far away. perhaps a wake up call. i’ve been dreaming about venice. i don’t know which part of my subconscious it’s playing on and i won’t think too much about it. look i know i’m gonna be late for work again. i just have to do this alright. let this be the toast to this fall into yet another crap hole that i gotta deal with. the irony isn’t even funny anymore. it hasn’t been for a long time. how i’m suffering from the side effects of the last eclipse in my heart. emotionally it’s been a welcome turnaround. the demon that haunts countless others in a society of mentally sound-enough individuals. alas it has to happen to the less adept in that said measure of sanity. i walked on with music in my ears and that’s all i’ve got. the songs that cradle me through the many wrecks these months have shown me, are the songs that eased my way home as i fought those very memories as the demon tried to take over. to a certain extent it did. and i realise that nobody can get me out of this barren land but myself – the self that’s been beaten and bruised so much it seems like it could never stop. the tears don’t even come out anymore so why bother.

crazy, but i believe

a while since a smile carried me home
old yellow cloak to hide the glee
a revelation too great to fathom
i tremble opening the door for thee

am i deserving of such attention

it’s somewhat funny

i lay motionless on the bed fathoming this old feeling stirring up inside, nervous that it’s just another misguided belief

catharsis

could you be the light i’ve been hoping for
could it actually be possible after all
i fled from the wishful thoughts
i brushed those marshmallow dreams aside

it’s hard to accept something so beautiful
when your life hasn’t been a pretty sight
been burned a lot the scars still linger
leaving your poor heart’s defense on an all-time high

now i’m left a little disconcerted
as the space for doubt is thinning out

time will tell our story
for being overwhelmed is nothing new
but controlling will be much of an issue for me
for i know soon it’ll be impossible to deny the raging feelings inside

what i foresee is a sight to behold
if my fantasy becomes a reality indeed

patience

there’s so many things going on and i’m not really sure how to begin. i remind myself to keep it together. at least when i’m required to.

i know that you need everything to revolve and get better. i know that it seems like more bad things are happening after another. the fact that i feel you so much is justified by this heaviness in my heart. you’ve been my rock. i don’t know what to do for you now. i’m confused as i try to separate our problems so that i could be that additional pillar you need.

you know i’ve never seen you cry like yesterday. and i guess today there’s no way to deny how real the situation is. so i’ll keep it together. wherever i am, you’re in my mind. and silently i pray that things get better because they just have to. honestly, i’m scared too.

let me die ok let me die so i can move on from this prison and start new somewhere else as a cat perhaps athika wants to be a cat a stray no less coz we’re all strays really you ain’t no persian

i want to throw up really like really but i cant coz there’s pills i took and they cannot be wasted