we both sacrificed, yet time and again i had to make clear that i did my fair share. mostly, emotionally. strict curfew, no cash, no phone, no dates, no interesting conversations, no more trips. yet time and again i heard your stories of great people you know, your car, and the perks you had before. i hear it and i kept quiet knowing there’s a set limit to what i could enjoy with you.
it was too hard to even make you realise how your problems and the things you do affected me. they’ve stayed the same, changed a bit, or got worse. still i negotiated, coaxed, advised, argued, gave bad remarks. all i could do to make things more bearable, but i was crushed when i’m told that’s the way it’s gonna be for some time.
as if karma had a say in everything, my turn came with a problem that’s gonna be for some time. i asked only for understanding and tolerance. to you i explained to save my life, almost literally.
everyday i get shouted back at, feeling the need to explain some more. and i feel betrayed, with the harshness to greet my own, you said you cared and i felt that it was overstated.
you think you should leave for my better
you tried, so now i should go help myself
the love is gone so what’s the point
the love went away weeks ago
i told you what i needed and instead, those are but some of the things you tell me. you hurt me even more when such blows are the last thing i need. you said you should leave despite my dependence i made so clear.
to think that i wasn’t the least bit into you in the first place. but i stayed through your thick, and when mine came you opt to leave instead of tolerating, compromise, and try accepting as i did with yours. let alone help. i was closed off from love and you came asking me to accept yours, now i’m in loneliness but i still see your face and i bleed, but in return you are harsh towards me and left me. figures who those words truly relate to. it bites.
that you were no different than the many people past and present that just listen and maybe offer a half-hearted advice – and ends the conversation with no more than another weak ok, belittling the harshness of what i go through – and that’s even worse.
that at this time of the year when my days of freedom are numbered – i’m still wondering who would bring me out of the hole, not just drop a ladder in, but come down and carry me up till we’re hand in hand on the land where the rest of the world walk on.
but i was your dream guy who turned into a nightmare, so now you’re waking up.
