i surrender

holding on to a knife reminds me how scared i am of them. perhaps that’s what made me cry. perhaps it’s the fact that it came to this point.

déjà vu. in a different pair of pants

it happened again. some kind of that old familiar breakdown. i know people still thought the cause, the cause is my unreasonableness. that old familiar place. where everybody’s understanding is capped by their fortunately uncomplex psychological state. all i could think of at the point was to pack my stuff and fly off somewhere. to think that i’m supposed to start work tomorrow.

a quick chat with someone opened up one particularly inviting option for me, i’d have company if i go next week. 6 days in india. although what happened last night urges me to make that hasty decision to catch that flight to cairo 2.20am wednesday, that’s tomorrow night. i’ve always wanted to see the pyramids. so fuck the money, fuck the job, fuck the plane choices, fuck the winter in australia and new zealand. all i wanna do is leave.

my life’s been about hasty, uncontrollable, emotional-charged decisions thus far so i learned. so as far as i’m concerned, tomorrow’s just as unpredictable as any other day in my god-forsaken life.