one from 4 years ago

you were wondering how i am and of course i’m doing okay. but did you know that i’m dying. i wanna yell so loud, loud enough for you and all to hear that nothing is okay. i hate to say, but you may have well been part of what worsened that spiral downwards. yet i remember the sweet tingles i had back then, one-sided fantasies as it may be. but a feeling no less, for all i have now is a used up imagination and jaded memories. i long for those fantasies dearly at this very moment, and before, and for the coming days i have till i’m either saved or excused from life.

a small thought crosses the mind in the middle of the street

i get hit by a car and lay in the hospital bed for weeks to rest. and rest. and rest. and rest. rest till it all goes away. or at the very least, till i go away.

destitution calls for images of retreat like thee.