whirlwind

i think that’s the word. i’ve been out a lot.  i’m heading to the states next week. it’s gonna be a trip, excuse the pun. i’ll talk more later.

it’s your destiny, boy

it’s hard to express. even harder to put in words. there are so many things i feel these days. things i hear. people i interact with. simple experiences yet amount to lots more thoughts and emotions. if i were to explain it’ll be a random mash of individual statements you’d find incomprehensible. i’m glad and sad at the same time. how’s that for being confused. yes utter confusion is but one that troubles me. one with a truly troubled mind will never feel true contentment. and that is all i seek. opportunities are near misses. they’re what i look for but not what i have envisioned for so long. they’re also overwhelming. perhaps an overdose of disappointment or fear resulting from predicted hurt in the future, another cause for severe discontentment. i’m glad. for the betterment of things that’s come my way. but the fear has heightened, that all good things come to an end. and change, and loss, and the butterfly effect. i feel like a boy living a dying man’s life. i walk everyday fearing the ground will drop from under me.

oh why, a mental dysfunction that doesn’t go away.

i say. man.

i have to tell myself that everything’s okay. things are picking up and i should not screw that up. it’s that risky. if one thing sets me apart it is that i have to remind myself to realize these things. controlling is hopefully easier that way. do not over think, do not overreact. essentially for me… don’t think, don’t react, ignore what you can and be nonchalant.

let me be explicit

i want to die.

there’s nothing much to life. all the beautiful are marred by the ugly. all hopes are quickly washed away before you know it. i can’t control myself, so i’m always causing shit. i’m sorry. i tried and i’m always caught off guard. they call it mental spasms. i do.

so why not stop it all. i’ll pay for my mistakes before i make more of them.

happy wedding

If you recall my bittersweet feelings, i’m really so thrilled now that it happened! Weddings are a glorious occasion. More juice from mrmanager.blogspot.com

I’m heading to KL to help out at her wedding reception. I have sidebar intentions to visit Zouk KL, or whatever.

Later.

Edit: I’m all packed with…
1 shirt
1 sl tee
1 vest
1 polo tee
1 skinny
1 traditional malay wear
4 underwear
and the clothes i’d be wearing

too much for a proposed 1 night stay?