train life

just thought i should blog. as my fingers did their little exercise on my phone to remind me of what to do tomorrow i thought of a less constrained place, a zone out area.

there are 4 main things: signed up for this, longing to contribute for that, procrastinated those, and unforseen circumstances that actually could have been seen.

all lead to a very worried Me. the alarms are gonna fire away tomorrow, which assumably will start at 830am.

everyone finds their own form of happy in life. i can’t even smile at the jokes people think are funny. yet i can’t maintain a straight face at funnynigans people find lukewarm. well to hell with all your generic emotions. i’ve always been different and i’ve always tried to blend in. now i’m scared of the idea of being too ordinary.

then i think, how much longer can i listen to that mini jukebox and get a little high every other minute on the train. how many more apparent euphorics does it take. how long more till i crack.

quick shout out to the pop up message at the corner of the screen that pops up like every 30 seconds: bitch I KNOW the computer memory’s running low. stop being irritating you piece of doggy doo.

here’s to happier zones, where food’s never an issue and despondence doesn’t exist, that kinda thing…

MacLove

                            

Swensory Indulgence

                                      

They’re coming

                          

Hedonistic

                         

plaything

i’m tired. i’m sore. i’m anxious. i’m heaving. i’m indifferent. i’m retrospecting. i’m not well.

so i charged myself a teeny lotsa weeny bit of happy today.

   

it’s easier to blog this way.

here goes nothing. dandy.

i’m sad. i’m neither here nor there. i’m stuck. i’m delirious. i’m between xkg and x+1kg. i’m pissed. i’m jaded. and i’m really screwed.

so i charged myself a little happy…

                           

the one that got overshadowed by angry

lets charge ourselves a little happy now.

i think it’s fair to say that James Earl Jones has one of the most recognisable voices in the world. he voiced Darth Vader in Star Wars and Mufasa in The Lion King, among other things. and duh! he’s a legend - who obviously isn’t high up there, judging from what he let the Will & Grace people do to him. and as usual jack’s mentally defective and karen’s high.

                

                   

4am overload

why am i not asleep?

i’m kinda freaked. the blog got like 20 views overnight. and someone is viewing my old posts. digging up dirt, much? aiye i’d prefer if people who come by commented. be random that’s fine. just leave your mark aight peeps. 

ok cats making scary noise. off to sleep. 

piece of pie

as people had their ears fixed to mr. loh’s second round of explaining about the media in asia assignment, i was thinking of the blueberry pie in my bag.

twas like… when should i eat that incongruously Purple goodness - during the break? at home? now?

i guess that echoes my sentiments about media in asia. don’t get me wrong, i think it’s interesting and all… a treat for the brain cells, an information jamboree, bag full of facts! but there’s this other sideof me (probably personality #129) that wonders, why do we need to know all this shait? and why do i wanna know…

i wish i didn’t care what thaksin shinawatra did like gazillion years ago which led to the military’s this and the king’s that and then the people’s this and then the king’s that and then the military’s this and this and then that. it’s nice to know what the definition of a fourth estate is in thailand, but some things are just not worth cracking my brains over.

the philippines basically follow the american way of governance. practically copied them wholesale, ignoring the fact that there are differences between the two countries which means there’s bound to be problems when you lift a whole system and place it in your country. so… what you’re telling me is that we’re learning The Tale of Stupid? and I honestly find Imelda Marcos’ penchant for shoes as appealing, if not more. 

these people probably haven’t got a clue when they implement certain things. so how are there so many people who analyse and study and criticise these policies but are not worthy enough to even have a section in wikipedia? why are they not political figures themselves – even when they can do better?

why are there so many -isms? capital-, national-, marx-? what.. these smarty pants were just too intrigued identifying the issues each of those dealt with that they didn’t even bother to name them properly? like… oh we can learn from this…  let’s add -ism and put it in textbooks! yippee yai we are soo smart.

    

Question: do you know why chinese indonesians don’t exactly have chinese names?

Answer: during Suharto’s “new order” regime, he introduced anti-chinese legislations that included the banning of chinese literatures and characters. (anti-communism – the dude got support from the West – understated example of a vicious cycle here.) ok so the chinese indonesians renounced their chinese ties and adopted indonesian-sounding names. explains something i never bothered to ask a classmate in primary school. he was a chindo. widianto. cocky rich guy. doesn’t bathe before sunrise.

                 

little trinkets of information like this i like. stuff like the feminist narrative can be cut into a one paragraph summary. how about dealing with questions like Do we not live in an elitist versus egalitarian country, huh? yeah. damn right that huh bit should be included. i’ll tell you wad the answer will be; it’ll all boil down not to the imperfection of men but their blardy self-serving desires. which brings me to another question worth answering, Why do corrupt, downright unethical biotches stay in power while their people live in squalid conditions? i hate love and lovers and lovebirds and birds. and can someone explain Why Africa’s still like that? and Why are people who in actuality shame their own culture accepted, even become the very advocates of discrimination themselves? – well honey, it’s a cruel world.

tell me about it.

     

anyway i digress. i gobbled up that pie during the break itself.

   

mental asylum

i cannot think when i’m in front of the computer, in front of a blank wall. i become uninspired when i’m in a room too clinical, lighted by a fluorescent tube. i think when i’m in transit. i think when there’s space. but i cannot work when i’m on the train. i cannot work when i’m outside. so what i gotta do?

when there’s nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire

i’m not particularly pleased right now.

i just got home from not exactly a fun-filled day but ok nontheless. hey i got a massage. but it sucked going home onwards. and i can’t really pick what exactly to blame. 

in fact on the way back i was informed i’ve gotta do up a powerpoint presentation and present it tomorrow. apparently, the group has discussed the points so that’s what they left for me to do. now i don’t see this task as rocket science nor the least bit tedious.  even though i’ve been left to do the most work, so to speak - well when you compare this task to 4 people thinking of 170 words’ worth of points to present, it’s a lot. but i’m not gonna dwell on this ratio, coz i ain’t petty. but i am insulted somehow. i just feel that way. i don’t know why i bother with these infantile people sometimes. 

and why does this always happen to me: waiting all afternoon for anyone to come online to say hey, let’s delegate work now. only to receive an sms or a call about it when i’m already freakin outside trying to have fun for a change. bitches. i have other projects too but i didn’t forget about this one, did i? news freaking flash: everyone have other things to do.

ok and why do people keep sending me the stuff they’ve completed when i’m not the one compiling the damn thing. or when no compiling is supposed to be done in the first place. fuck is flooding one’s mailbox with useless files the new way of being utterly stupid? do irritating people need to be irritating all the time?

i don’t make friends with old friends. don’t flatter yourselves. those things are trivial next to everything else.

-

“somebody sincere would do,” he says.

coz when you try to protect yourself, you get more hurt. when you try to keep it inside, you realise nobody cares anyway. you selfish apathetic bastards.

-

i love the people i hate. fate can’t be more cruel, if all of them hate me too.

coz lamenting ”i can never have that” too many times about too ordinary things simply gets to you.

-

why is the fucking food inside my faltering mess of a body. shit.

-

and for the millionth time, WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY FUCKING HAPPY PILLS?

at least give me a punching bag.

-

SHUT UP SHUT UP

SHUT UP SHUT UP

SHUT UP SHUT UP

SHUT UP SHUT UP

SHUT UP SHUT UP

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-

if you don’t care at least leave me alone. don’t treat me like i’m not important, only to make yourself feel better. don’t show me your butt ugly face which looks as though it’s never ever seen the light of day. most certainly, don’t mock or judge me when you’re just a contemptible dog.

that’s my bush

 

bush blooper - one more for the books.

i wanna manja with the queen also…! i like how she always has this i’d-rather-be-somewhere-else aura. i’m the effin Queen so everyone else can stick it. and that includes you Bush, america’s biggest mistake since richard simmons.

i’m kidding. we love shimmering richard, don’t we?

so whatever happened to that shortlived sitcom, it began and ended in 2001 – but there’s so much more stuff they can parody now.

             

if toads have a country… they’ll have your face on the flag

just when i thought i could delete you from my history. i mean literally; to delete all of your links from internet explorer’s browsing history. but that one last look only proved further, how much of a schmuck you are and how stupid i was. going to the east ain’t so difficult with him, is it. the meeting his friend phase occurred pretty soon, didn’t it. why don’t you come to the east now and meet my friend. his name is Fist and he wants to send your nose to the back of your head.

i spent six dollars on you – give it back. i’ll donate it to the scumbags who need to grow up society.

i spent lotsa time corresponding with you – gimme a cuckoo clock. i’ll bash your head until the fucking bird falls out.

you touched me – get a vacuum cleaner. there’s dirt all over my shirt.

           

         

kill yourself. you are that hateful to me.