heartbreaks shall remain hidden as is the heart itself

he says:

haha.. ure so positive.

anywyas.. hows ‘lookin for soulmate’ goin?

hey life says:

you see my dp? basically it’s just the guy on the right sitting by himself

he says:

ouuu.

no rush

take ur time

hey life says:

how’s your lucj

he says:

hmmm, kinda dating this guy.. but only time will tell.

hey life says:

cool

he says:

yea, just see how it goes.

i’m positive, apparently. i’m also smart, i knew. i was also in denial.

there there, i’m retiring from my unopened books. we’ll call it a night.

much love to you, whoever you are.

arrivederci.

desire

i want to have emosexual relations with rufus wainwright.

Mother, and Brothers

God, we’re weary but i’m sure you know that already. There are things in life that no reading can ever prepare you for, nor experience. It’s a contemptuous situation.

I’m doing what i can to secure a somewhat stable future yet there’s nothing safe about the feelings I have. People – my brothers – are really monsters. The humans you’ve created harbour a multitude of hatred and baseless jealousies.

They who perceive only what they’re capable of seeing.
They who feel injustice when luck missed them – luck; is a myth.
They who cannot comprehend that falling is a process of rising.
They who function on resentment and not kindness.
They who are the majority.

I concede that no qualification in this world and no amount of experience would negate your teachings of strong will, patience and effort. That there are understandings too divine for small beings like me, like them.

With this inscriptions I will be at least aware. I will still cry. I will disobey you – regretfully. Nonetheless I will be faithful. For my belief brings me through.

I cannot speak of the matter to another. But I feel a need to share. And my saviour, I do not know where to draw the line between independence, and having a caring one to lean on – between what’s needed and wanted. Should I let go and have my heart explode, for the sake of patience?

Please be by our side, and let the monsters be apart.

school’s a callin’

i don’t wanna sleep yet coz when i wake up i’d have to go to school which is cool but it’s miles away in town and being there in the morning isn’t cool.

once again my weekend’s short.
i’m knackered beyond words.
i already miss my 3 bffs.

long-term goals, long-term goals.

familiar foreigner

i hate giving heartbreak almost as much as i hate getting heartbroken.

i’m in a situation where both are happening at the same time, in more than one situation.

i have a dream

You Should Get a PhD in Liberal Arts (like political science, literature, or philosophy)

You’re a great thinker and a true philosopher. You’d make a talented professor or writer.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

Blogthings: We’re Not Shrinks, But We Play Them On the Internet

the business of self

‘independence’. well fact is, i’m lonely. i chose this path. it bites.

imagine: you’re running away from a banshee, down a long dark corridor into an open door, and closing it dead shut with multiple locks. you wait with eyes fixated on that door – and you see her hair creeping through the cracks and you still hear her wailing; this exact feeling.

that’s overcoming depression. it lingers.

imagine: nobody believes your ghost story. not even a witch doctor.

that’s where independence carries you through.

and as i write this i realise, that loneliness is a small price i pay for my sanity. that this sick irony is actually justifiable.

priviliged

a new year. a level up on self-actualisation.

then you wonder why know so much, about the way life works. i say much, in the sense of what you learned over past experience – and trust me, it’s been plentiful the past year alone.

to love and to lose, to be cheated on even by friends. then to go on experiencing what it’s like to cheat – my morals (and condition) got the best of me then. and now… to be loved, but not being able to reciprocate. to feel wearily. to be cynical. is this the way to start a new year? – honestly a new year to me is like another day passing, but it’s a general benchmark of personal reform and i’ll grant it that. back to the question – i suppose it is. to be more cautious; not so foolishly inspired by emotions.

tonight i came home to a luxurious room and it’s star (the bed) – compared to other middle-class 21 year olds’ humble abode.and i wonder what real difference it made when i compare to the emotional luxuries they experience. a matter of physical well-being to that of the psyche.

i’ve met too many familiar faces tonight alone. one who loved me but got chase away by yours truly, one who loved me but got chased away by yours truly, and one who loved me but got chased away by yours truly. common point to note: chased away by me. that’s simple to understand, but the reasons why varies through and through – and this, only I understand.

it would be ideal to let the whole world know that part – why? but i figured it’s better left unsaid, due to a number of complications. and only i should truly know how i feel and what i felt.

and that shall be my new year’s resolution; to let go and live for none other than yours truly.

spin

there is but one person you wish you don’t see upon recovery; the ex’s estranged (maybe not so, you don’t believe a word anyone says these days) concubine.

and a text by an estranged ’best friend’ (happened a few weeks back, but not so important for me to dedicate a post too, perhaps).

oh well, all in a day.

love, me.

PS: and then i remember, i’d wished it was him (paul) i was canoodling with. so much depth to so little action, if i may say so.

Alive Again

Years of disturbia, and a year which the public witnessed
A change long overdue, a transformation no less
For nobody could mourn like i do, and nobody could rejoice like i did
My coming of age, started a fresh new page.

Misunderstood, Smothered, Loved, Betrayed, Ostracized, Badly publicized,
barely alive.

This disappearance, didn’t mean that life was paused
I was searching, for a better course.

Glorified, Elitist, Celebrated, Public, Well-recieved, Excessive,
all Justified…

Alive again
More aware, senses heightened
With God and family on my side
I’ve managed.

This revolution, comes with one condition
For only a fool would say, that storms only happen once.